David's Digital Portfolio

            I was driving home from your Auntie Julie’s place when I came to a stop at the crossroads a block away from our apartment. Across the intersection, I saw what I assumed to be a truck with its brights on. Only, the beams kept expanding. They grew around my car like a snake swallowing an egg in one big bite. Then I felt this warm sensation come over me. It was as though I was a baby again and my mom was holding me in her arms.  

            Then, cold. A harsh metallic chill crept up my entire back. When I awoke, I was again staring at a bright light but I was face up, naked, on some sort of operating table. My wrists and ankles were in bondage and my forehead strapped to the table. Totally immobile, I scanned the periphery. The room looked sterile and but bright and modern To my left was a small metallic table, with a large syringe. I wanted to scream but my voice was so hoarse that only the smallest wheezing exhale came out.

            “Whuuuu hee huuuuul?” I gasped.

            As soon as the utterance came out of my mouth, I heard some murmurings from the other side of the wall behind me. From the cadence I could tell it wasn’t English. The rhythm of each sentence had a harsh couple of beats then would trail off like a stick dribbling on a snare.

            The door behind me slid open and two sets of footsteps entered. The two seemed to be bickering about something. I heard some buttons clicking and a speaker pop on.

            “Hello there, David.” The voice sounded like a male human voice but more robotic, “I am obligated by law to read the following to you. Hello and welcome to our ship…

            “Ship?” I screamed, my voice cracking. “What the hell is going on? Am I dreaming?”

            “Unfortunately for the both of us, you are not.” They continued, “…in accordance with the Merciful and Benevolent Television Euthanasia act, I am required to inform you that you are going to be terminated permanently from your mortal form. I am also required to do so while you are sleeping and, since you are currently conscious, with your acknowledgment that this will occur.” They paused for a moment. “Do you acknowledge that we will be terminating you permanently?”

            “No, please no. What is going on?” I pleaded trying to gather myself. I could feel my voice getting stronger the more I sat.

            Another voice chimed in almost laughing, “Wait, is that what he actually sounds like? It’s so whiney and skittish”

            “Don’t you watch the show?” the first voice retorted.

            “I watch the dubbed version. Hate having to read the subtitles all the time.”

            “I don’t know, I find having famous actors voice over earthlings breaks my immersion”

            “What am I to you? What does T.V. have to do with any of this?” I continued to question. I felt more and more strength coming back to me. My heart was pounding with adrenaline and my mind was racing. I was trying to put the pieces together but it still didn’t make sense. Why was I on this space ship? Had I really been abducted?

            There was a pause for a few moments. The second voice spoke up first, “Maybe if we tell him, he’ll be more willing to acknowledge the procedure.”

            The first voice sighed, “It’s worth a shot.”

            Two chairs rolled across the room and slid into place on either side of me. It was at this moment that I was able to finally get a look at my captors. They were strange creatures with two sets of eyes on either side of their face and excessively pale skin. Their mouths we tiny and their teeth were square. Both had two slits between their eyes which I assumed to be  a nose but I wasn’t entirely sure. The one to my right had a long silver chain attached to its ear that descended down and wrapped loosely around its neck like a necklace. They were bipedal and wore form fitting suits one grey and one purple.

            The creature that I recognized as the first voice sat to my left. He spoke first, “I’ll introduce myself. I’m Glim. I’m the executive assistant to the director Milflick Mlork. We run an interstellar reality television series of which you are a main character. My colleague here is, Klick, head of narrative development on your show.

            “My show?”

            “Well,” Glim shrugged, “I guess it isn’t so much your show. You’re in the show. It’s really more your wife’s show. We’ve been following Beth’s entire life. Our team edits the footage and syndicates it out across the galaxy. It’s been translated in 150 different languages and regional dialects and it’s currently the number one rated show on our planet.”

            “And, has been for the last 30 years.” Klick added. “Except, for the past two years, ratings have been dropping.”

            “Beth? Oh my god, is she here too?” I questioned, scared. I wasn’t sure if it would be better or worse if she was there or not. The two laughed again at my question.

            Klick chortled, “why would we kill of the main character of the show? Everyone loves Beth. It’s you that’s the problem.”

            What came over me next was the strangest emotion. Since I had woken up, I had been fearing for my life, confused, trying to piece together what was going on. However, in that moment something clicked. I was more hurt emotionally, like I was getting fired from my job.

            “Wait, you’re doing this because you think I’m bad for ratings?”

            “In a word, yes,” Glim patted my knee as if to ease the blow.

            Klick continued unapologetically, “our polling shows that when you first entered Beth’s life people liked you for the stability. They were tired of seeing her fail in her dating life, so the successful relationship really boosted ratings.”

            Glim gushed “The season 40 finale when she confessed her love for you was one of my favorites of the entire show. Beth broke down so many emotional barriers all for that perfect climax.”

            Klick continued, annoyed at the interruption, “as I was saying, recently your life together has gotten very dull, and many viewers blame this on you. We thought that the global pandemic would increase viewership. Which it did, initially, but then it just turned into you two doing jigsaw puzzles and baking bread.”

            “Ugh, You and every other earthling.”

            “Wait,” I protested, “you started the pandemic?”

            “No, no,” Klick elaborated, “though we did expose you to it. We hoped with your medical history it would take care of you easily, but your immune system was stronger than we anticipated. We did see a spike in ratings when you were sick though.”

            “People love seeing Beth in a caretaker role. She’d make a great mom.”

            “Yeah, I just don’t think we’re ready for kids yet. Beth’s still on her parent’s cell phone plan” What was I saying? Was I trying to reason with my captors? I knew in my heart that I didn’t have to answer to them, but I felt a strange compulsion to explain myself. It was as though I was being interrogated for existing and I was pleading my case.

            “Yes, we know. You’ve said many times you’re not ready yet, but a pregnant Beth would be great for our ratings. Since that isn’t going to happen any time soon, we’ve decided a dead husband will really give us the boost we need to carry this show for at least another 8 seasons.” Klick’s tone was so matter of fact. As if my life was his to manipulate as he pleased. He looked up at the wall as if to check a clock, then leaned over to his colleague.

            “This is getting exasperating. He hasn’t even acknowledged yet. Glim, can you ask him again?”

            “Yes,” Glim cleared his throat, “do you acknowledge that we will be terminating you permanently?”

It was at this moment I realized I might have an upper hand. It was clear they had been trying to pry something out of me. If I acknowledged that I knew they were going to kill me, that was all the permission they needed to do so. Whether it was pure luck or unwitting skill, I had managed to save my skin up to that point. I had to continue to choose my words very carefully.

            “So, you can’t do anything until I acknowledge?” I questioned, feigning naivety in Glim’s direction. Klick was a lost cause but maybe I could convince his colleague to not go forward with their plans.

            Klick pointed at Glim aggressively, “don’t answer that, we don’t legally have to answer that.”

            “No. I do not acknowledge.” I  turned and looked defiantly into Klicks eyes as I said this. Though, I wasn’t entirely sure which ones to look at.

“Screw the I.F.E.A. can’t we just carry out the procedure?” Klick stood up angrily and motioned toward the syringe next to Glim.

            Glim huffed, “no, we cannot. We have an I.F.E.A. inspector onboard this voyage. Do you know how screwed we would be if they found out we broke protocol?”

            “Ethical killing, what an idiotic concept.” Klick walked around the table and grabbed the syringe, “I’ll do it myself.”

            “No!” Glim shouted grabbing Klick’s arm, “you could get the whole show canceled!”

            “What’s the I.F.E.A?” I asked, stalling.

            “The Interstellar Film Ethics Authority,” Glim sighed. “They were formed as an oversight agency. One of their principal jobs is to ensure we ethically kill mammals when altering reality television plots. We cannot kill you if you are conscious without acknowledgement. However, we’ve been able to find a loophole in the law. If you’re asleep or unconscious, we don’t have the get the acknowledgment. Ideally, we would just knock you out again but someone,” he glared at Klick, “dropped the last mammal tranquilizer that we had onboard. So, now, we’re just going to have to wait you out.”

            “Wait me out?”

            “Yes, you eventually will fall asleep. And when you do, we’ll just carry out the procedure. Which, I assure you, is painless. Our doctors have perfected the formula so you don’t feel a thing.” As Glim said this, they both got up from their chairs and started for the door.

            “Wait!” I screamed desperately, “what if I agree to having kids?” Although the decision was heavily motivated by fear, it felt like the right thing to do. Even as the words left my mouth I felt resolute and happy.

            They both stopped in their tracks and walked back into my field of view. Glim was the first to sit back down. “I much prefer the pregnancy arch. If we’re being honest. Unfortunately, Klick has the final say on plot manipulation.” As he spoke, Klick sat back in his chair as well and crossed his arms. “Klick, what do you think?” Glim reached over my legs and nudged his colleague’s shoulder with a closed fist.

            Klick turned to Glim with his arms still crossed, “do you know how much paperwork I had to file to get approval for this guy’s permanent elimination?” Klick looked back at me and placed his hand on the table. “I want twins and I want the pregnancy announcement before then end of this season.”

            I was floored. Were we negotiating how many children I was going to have? Though, I wasn’t in much of a position to bargain. “Fine. I will knock up my wife. Though, I’m not really sure how I can make twins happen.”

            Glim clapped gleefully, “We can take care of that.” His confidence in this brought up a whole new level of concern but I pressed on.

            “So, it’s settled, we’ll have twins and you’ll let me go?”

            “Deal,” Klick exclaimed. He reached out his hand as if to shake mine. Then, remembering that I was still strapped to the table, brought his hand to mine and moved it up and down. “Glim, prep the beam.” Klick stood and looked at me again, “Oh, by the way, you were hit by a truck and your car is totaled. So, we are going to have to give you some minor injuries and perhaps some lingering neck pain.” He paused again, thinking, “perhaps we’ll have the insurance settlement help pay for the twins!”

            By the time I had a chance to protest, I was hit with another flash and I started to feel the warmth take over me again. As I slowly lost consciousness, I heard the two creatures continue to discuss my future.

            “Should I wipe his memory of this?”

            “No don’t bother, might be good to have someone on the inside to keep the storylines fresh. Plus, he needs to remember to hold up his end of the deal…”

I write this account for you, my girls. If you’re reading this now, it means that I am dead—hopefully at a ripe old age. I have felt this deep guilt for the way the decision came about for so long. I needed the two of you to know the truth. I wasn’t always sure that I wanted to have kids nor was I sure that I was ready to do so. I want you to know that even though I was scared, I have no regrets. You two have been the lights of my life and the best decision I have ever made. I don’t know if the reality show is still going on or not and if it is, I hope that Glim and Klick aren’t too mad at me for revealing the truth to both of you.

Love,

Dad